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May 17th, 2012

I wrote this awhile ago, while riding in the van to the chiropractor on a rainy afternoon.

Today is a rainy day.

The rain has me feeling homesick. I’m homesick for my grandma, my mom, my childhood.

I’m homesick for Winnipeg, for pregnancy, for family time.

I’m homesick for my old job and homesick for simpler times.

We are driving in the van. My children are eagerly answering trivia questions that Jon is dealing out to them, and I’m reminiscing.

And there is nowhere I would rather be right now than here.

0
May 17th, 2012

Okay, so as my brain works to store more things that I want to create blog posts about, it is losing them. So…

GI appointment
I finally got in to see the GI doctor that my family doctor set me up with. The wait was about nine months. I went in, she read the three page form that I filled out when I got there and asked me why I was there. She said, “good, you are healthy” as she read through the pages. After a few minutes, she told me I have IBS, gave me a printout about how to avoid gas and told me to schedule a gastroscopy because I had lost so much weight. She also gave me a prescription for an acid reducer (did nothing but give me nasty headaches) and a requisition for bloodwork. My gastroscopy is at the beginning of June. I am not looking forward to it, and feel like my problem is not that high in my digestive system, so it will show nothing, just like every other test I’ve had. That said, I am not an expert in this, so I’ll do what I’m told and hopefully find relief.

Mother’s Day
My family *SO* knows me. My mother’s day morning was fabulous. I slept in until my regular 8:00. Andrew brought me the gift he had made in school – a beautiful fence and flowers picture. When I came downstairs, Daniel and Josh gave me their gifts – Daniel gave me coupons for him to do chores for me, and Josh gave me a little paper chest that he had made, filled with sheets of papers containing compliments so I could “pull one out to read on a bad day.” Claire and Andrew made me a card with a rainbow, and Jon had run out to buy breakfast stuff that I would like – fruit, cheese, croissants and muffins. The fruit salad that Jon and Josh made was delicious!

We had decided to drive out to Jon’s parents’ vacation place to hang out with them for the afternoon. We had a fun afternoon doing camp-y stuff; roasting weiners for a hot dog lunch, geocaching, throwing rocks in the river, playing at the park, and just sitting around chatting. The weather was amazing.

Before heading home, we stopped in the town for dinner and had the yummiest pizza ever. The kids impressed the restaurant owner with their good manners and I was so proud of them for it. It was the best mother’s day yet!

Geocaching
You may remember that last year, we aimed to visit 100 playgrounds over the summer months. This year we have decided to find 100 caches. I love having something to do that costs us nothing, that we can just hop in the van and set out to do with little or no preparation or planning. We found our first cache in the woods on mother’s day. We just might have to seek out some more this long weekend. as long as we can stay healthy enough to get out.

Vomit
I don’t know what it is about May and health problems, but it is a partnership that I am not liking. Two years ago, May was a nightmare for us; we got a bug just before family day weekend, and it still was not gone by Claire’s birthday at the end of the month, and we actually had to cancel. I am terrified of this happening again this year, especially because I booked a party place. Andrew started the vomit chain last night and I was totally feeling that I was right there with him. Jon is super awesome and totally took the whole night shift with Andrew while I lay in bed as still as possible, willing my stomach contents to stay put. Still, I am dreading this evening, and the next few weeks…I hate waiting to see who it will get next, and in the past, there has been up to five days between kids getting it! :( Please pray for our health.

The Dentist
This week three of my kids had dental checkups. Two kiddos have cavities that are shallow enough to be filled without freezing. Daniel had his loose tooth pulled because he could not stand to have it loose in his mouth any longer. I know it was really bugging him. Josh got my tooth issues, which will really suck for him. :(

So we have a couple more appointments coming up – Daniel and Claire for their fillings and Andrew for his checkup and cleaning. I am so thankful for Jon’s dental plan through work. The work that I had done in my mouth last month would have cost us way more than we could have afforded if not for Jon’s dental plan. And even cleanings for the four kids…oy. When I stopped at the desk to wait for everything to be submitted to insurance after Josh’s cleaning, the receptionist told me that I owed them eight cents. Then she apologized. I told her not to apologize for that – I would rather pay eight cents than the alternative!!

And that’s what you missed on Gl-…er…I mean in the life of the Monstercookies family! :D

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May 11th, 2012

I am finding that when I have SO MUCH to blog about, I just don’t blog. I can’t decide which thing to release, so I just don’t release any of it.

That’s how I approach housework too, which is evident to me as I am sitting here typing this right now. The main floor of my home looks like a disaster zone. I know that I need to rework all storage and organization strategies here because the ones that used to be in place are slowly oozing from their compartments.

I have so much to say, I hope to put out a series of blog posts soon. Probably all in one day, which will be too much all at once, but it needs to come out, and perhaps an explosion would be the best way to make it happen. So that I can reset.

That will come soon, but right now I really need to deal with my house. I’ll be back.

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Posted in braindump |
May 5th, 2012

Sometimes when you suck it up and do something that you really really really don’t want to do, you are rewarded for your efforts. That happened to me today.

I drove out to a nearby city (?) this morning so that Andrew could take part in Beaveree. With Jon otherwise committed and Andrew not wanting to catch a ride with his leader, I enlisted the help of the grandparents to care for the other three while I did something that I would really rather not.

With a very low back tire on my van, in the awful rainy snowy blizzard, praying the whole time that it would be canceled, I braved the highway and went to the wrong place. After a quick call to Andrew’s Beavers leader, I found the right place and it ended up that Beaveree was canceled.

Despite all of the effort, I was so glad.

I drove back home in said snowstorm, saw a truck turned on its side in the ditch on the highway and wished that I had listened to my intuition, which had told me to take an earlier turnoff than the one that I ended up taking.

After all of this, I managed to get Andrew back home in time to get to his last gymnastics class. I was able to help Jon out, and I got to watch my three little gymnasts get their report cards. I got to have lunch with my children and in-laws, and I got to treat everyone to ice cream this afternoon.

My day has been fantastic despite the stressful start. I feel great that I sucked up my bad feelings about Beaveree, dressed us warm and went anyway, even though it was canceled. I feel like I managed today well, even though all plans were out the window. I am proud that I drove through my first nightmare snowstorm highway situation without even one ounce of panic.

This is the old me. I feel like I am coming back. My family is back together. My mind is clearing and even though I have so much on my plate, I am not overwhelmed. I love it.

Sometimes when you pick yourself up and just do something you’d rather not, you are rewarded. In more ways than you even know.

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Posted in joy, kids, life |
April 30th, 2012

Tonight Claire attended her first ever team sport practice – soccer! I was a little worried that she might not have fun because I kind of forced her into it.

I told my kids that they each had to pick one sport for the spring and their choices were soccer and baseball. Claire picked soccer, begrudgingly, but perked up a little after she found out that not only one, but THREE of her best buds in the whole wide world would be on her team.

She went tonight and didn’t even hesitate to line up when the coach asked them to. She proudly wore her team shirt (over her long-sleeved shirt and parka), and was thrilled to pick out a ball and play with it for the whole evening and then be able to bring it home with her.

I am really excited to see how this season of soccer plays out. First of all, three and four year olds running around all focused and trying their best is adorable. Second, I am hoping that soccer will help with Claire’s coordination and stability when she is walking and running. She really doesn’t like to walk anywhere now – not even across the school field to get Andrew. She has always complained that her knees and feet hurt her, ever since she learned to talk. Her doctor said everything looks good enough, so I am hoping that it is something that Claire is growing out of as the years pass.

I hope that soccer is something that Claire loves – I will sit huddled in my winter coat and covered in blankets every spring if it means my girl is staying active and having fun.

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Posted in kids, sports |
April 28th, 2012

Do you ever sit in a room in your house and wonder why you even have all this stuff? I do that so often; the clutter that comes with a big family in a little house drives me crazy. I feel like I had a system for keeping things tidy for awhile, but now, as I sit here in my living room strewn with clean and dirty laundry, stuffed animals, couch cushions, a board game, books, wii game cases, etc., etc., I know that I don’t have a system anymore.

Life has been busy and I have been tired and where decluttering used to be a constant in my life, it has fallen by the wayside a little because a lot of the stuff…I just don’t know what to do with it. Things that I used to be able to delegate to Jon (please drop this bag at Value Village while you are out, or please deal with all these cords that I have no idea what they are for, or please take in the recycling), I haven’t been able to for the past several months. And somehow I have not been able to fit that kind of stuff into my schedule.

I sometimes get to the point where I just want to walk around with a garbage bag and trash everything in my path. And in everyone else’s paths.

I try to organize the stuff to make it easy for my family to put things where they go (out of my sight), but it never works.

I hate HATE to say this, but I think we need a bigger house.

Or my kids are going to need counseling as adults because as children I kept throwing away their schoolwork, giving away toys that didn’t belong to a certain group of toys, tossing books with one torn page.

The truth is, WE don’t need a bigger house. We have all the shelter we need, and a great backyard as a bonus. The baseball equipment needs a bigger house. The four backpacks, briefcase and purse need a bigger house. The winter boots, rain boots, running shoes and flip flops need a bigger house. Same with the winter coats and rainjackets and light jackets.

We have stuff taking up space that we can’t get rid of because of its history, and we have things that have value to us that we can’t just give away to a stranger, like we do with most of the stuff I move out of our home. Christmas stuff takes up so much room, and sports stuff (baseball, hockey, skating, dance), and camping stuff (for Scouts; we don’t camp as a family).

I know I have a problem. I could probably live in an apartment alone, with my five appliances, kitchen table set, couch, chair, bed, dresser, and one picture on the wall and be perfectly comfortable with that. Well, except that I wouldn’t sleep at all because I don’t sleep when Jon isn’t in bed with me. And of course I would miss my kids. Just not their stuff. :P

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Posted in life |
April 27th, 2012

A little girl from our neighbourhood that my boys play outside with every day just came to the door. She was taking out the garbage and as she approached the dumpster, she found a man there. I imagine he was hanging out there looking for cans – it is a fairly common sight around here – but she said it was creepy and he could be a kidnapper. She went back home and told her mom, who said it sounded like her imagination, so she came to our house and told my boys about it. Josh put his boots and coat on immediately to escort her to the dumpster, and Daniel followed suit.

I just sat and watched the whole thing, growing prouder of my boys by the minute.

Andrew made me proud this week too, with his actions toward a classmate. There is a boy in his class who has a full-time aide as he has developmental and learning disabilities. I have seen this child in the classroom setting and know that sometimes he can be disruptive and can get upset very easily. This week, their class did swimming lessons and he was in Andrew’s group.

Andrew is pretty quiet and shy, but has his angry side that thusfar has only come out at home. I wondered if having this boy around challenged Andrew’s patience at all. I asked Andrew how he liked having the boy in his group. His response surprised me, but made me so proud. Andrew said, “I am glad he is in my group. He is so much fun, and he is so cute.” And over the week, I have watched Andrew play with this boy in the water, laughing and splashing while the boy’s mom stood close by in the pool just in case the swim instructor needed her assistance.

I am ashamed now that I thought that maybe Andrew would be made uncomfortable by his classmate’s actions or behaviour. And at the same time, I am so proud that he isn’t, and that he can put differences aside and just be a friend.

I hope that these loving qualities that my boys possess now, are rooted so deeply within them that they never go away.

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Posted in joy, kids, life, school |
April 23rd, 2012

Today was the first wonderfully lovely summer day of the year. Yesterday was not too bad, but today was fabulous.

I love driving with my van windows down because it is just too stifling to keep them up. I love how sunshine smells – on carseats, on people, in the air.

Today smells like summertime. Sunscreen, sprinkler water in the air and on the grass. Warm air cooling as the sun goes down and gently drifting into my living room. Noxema on sunburns and the scent of barbecued dinner lingering.

Nights like this take me back to our time in Winnipeg; the sweet cool air after a nighttime rainstorm, when it was just Jon and I. We used to camp out on the living room floor in front of our biggest window so we could enjoy the light show.

I can feel myself sitting in my rocking chair at 4:00am; seven months pregnant with my Josh, and searching for one cool breeze to touch my skin. Winnipeg doesn’t offer cool breezes in the summertime, but I can’t complain. Along with those hot summer nights come some of the best memories of my life.

I feel like we don’t get a lot of good summer days here in Calgary, so I will relish every one that comes to pass. Today, though it is technically still spring, was a truly good summer day. And I loved every minute of it.

Joy smells like summer.

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Posted in joy, memories, pregnancy, summertime |
April 22nd, 2012

Today was Josh’s first baseball practice. The first of the season, and his first one ever. It was a lovely day for it – so hot that a few of us are nursing sunburns this evening. :)

Josh did really well. Jon’s dad did some work with Josh and Daniel awhile ago to teach them how to throw, and I was impressed with Josh’s form today, and with how smoothly the ball made it to where it needed to go. Josh hit all three balls that the coach soft-pitched to him.

The coaches seem great; I think this will be a fun season!

Daniel had a practice awhile ago, but he had been mismatched according to his size and experience, so he will get to meet his new and permanent team soon. The first game of the season will see Josh’s team play against Daniel’s. I am really looking forward to seeing how the boys act on opposing teams. And a sweet bonus about that first baseball game is that tax season will be over and Jon will be sitting right next to me, cheering our boys on! :D

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Posted in kids, life, sports |
April 15th, 2012

If you could weigh – just like that – 96 pounds, would you be happy with your weight? Do you think that your life would magically be perfect?

I’ve spoken with people who envied my smaller size, who assumed I was healthy because I am – and have been for most of my life – thin.

The reality is that I cannot remember the last time that I just felt good. Well. Healthy. I have felt ill all my life. The past year I have been struggling with digestive system issues, and over the past month, things have become worse.

This week I dropped to 96 lbs. This is 22 pounds less than I weighed when I felt okay, and two pounds less than I weighed when I was in junior high school, many years ago.

This is what 96 lbs means to me.

*being cold all the time
*7, 8, 9 hours of sleep at night is not enough
*dizziness
*nausea
*shakiness
*muscle aches and weakness
*headaches
*memory loss
*messy house
*disorganized life

It means that I can’t volunteer at my kids’ schools as much as I’d like to.

It means backing out on commitments and quitting jobs.

It means that I can’t push the washing machine back in place after the spin cycle sends it across the room, or move any heavy furniture without help.

It means that I can’t teach Sunday school, and, as I learned last week, that I can’t sing in a choir.

It means that I can’t exercise like I want to – I want to run, but I don’t want to burn any calories.

It means going to four different thrift stores to find a pair of black dress pants that fit, and ending the day empty-handed and exhausted.

It means that I am FRUSTRATED that I can’t do anything that I want.

Sometimes I feel like my body is sucking in on itself and I can’t get a full breath. Actually, I usually feel like this, and some days I think that God gives me strength as I pray for it, just to make it through the day.

I am not writing this to have people feel sorry for me. I don’t want anyone to worry about me – I am working hard to get better, and hope to soon get some answers about why this is happening. But, I’ve been thinking about people who strive to lose weight, who work so hard, sacrificing so much, and have the dream of wearing a size 4, 2 or 0. I want to say that it is not worth your health. Don’t hurt yourself to get here, because the truth is, it’s less like a dream and more like a nightmare. It makes me wonder about models and celebrities – how do they have energy to even get out of bed in the morning, then do all that acting, posing and traveling? I cannot even guess.

I am looking forward to visiting my dr. next month and making a plan to feel better. And every pound I gain back will be a nice little victory on the path to being healthy!

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Posted in illness, life |

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