Today is a happy day for me. I’m feeling so light and joyful and I feel like I am starting fresh with looking at my days through a grateful heart and mind.
I feel empowered today. I’ve typed freeing words. I’ve told my story of fighting for a better me and getting here. I’ve realized that I’ve beat my daily attacks of IBS. I am so proud of where I am health-wise.
I did not freak out this morning. I did not raise my voice, not even one time. Not when Claire reminded me that I offered pancakes for breakfast last night and I would have to very quickly make some. Not when Andrew was crying about having to go to school. Not when Daniel came up from his bedroom twice still in pajamas, and not when he missed the bus. I didn’t even feel angry driving him to school, and I calmly showed him the way he will need to go to get himself there next time he misses the bus.
I went to my barbell blast class. I did all my barbell exercises with the pink (20 lb) bar, and all of my dumbbell exercises with the green weights (12.5 each?). I loved the way I looked in the mirror today. Strong and healthy and not fat.
I had great conversations with women from different generations. I love when a span of age groups can get together and just chat about one topic and the different experiences are so very interesting!
Once home from the gym, I met with my mother in law and talked kids and adults and parenting as she practice-presented this week’s Circle of Security information to me. I was reassured and challenged and enlightened. If anyone in Calgary and area is interested in going through the Circle of Security program, I highly recommend it – so many “aha” moments in interacting with our children. Let me know; I’ll hook you up.
Now it is 1:00. I have icy joy in a cup and warm joy streaming in through my living room window. My house is a mess, but this light happy feeling is going to remedy that over the next two hours as I clean, clean, clean.
My mom shared a list on Facebook today entitled “18 Great Reminders When You’re Having a Bad Day”. It is spot on and resurrected within me a desire to be joyful and happy and glad. I was already feeling great when I read it, but it just has so many wonderful points that I was so happy to read. I see others struggling so hard against being happy and I have been at risk of being pulled into it. I don’t like that. I am deciding (again) to just be thankful and grateful. I have SUCH an amazing life. SUCH an amazing God who is just showering me with amazing experiences every second.
You know, I was singing on the worship team at church yesterday and it was my first time since we lived in Nakusp in the autumn of 2005. I felt a bit of anxiety flaring up when I agreed to sing, but I wanted to work through it. I almost backed out a couple of times, but I kept telling myself, this is not about me and my anxiety. This is about God. Music is a part of me; a part that God put there. I didn’t back out. I was nauseous as I drove to the rehearsal on Saturday, so I popped a Nervita (kids’ homeopathic anxiety pill) and drank some peppermint tea. I was afraid to sing in front of my fellow worship-team members. But I did it. And it wasn’t scary, and they were all encouraging and fun.
On Sunday morning, the anxiety tingles and intestine twisting started as I was waiting to go on stage. I let them run their course. I acknowledged them, I felt them and I sent them away. And it worked, and I sang on stage with a microphone at my lips and nobody criticized my mistakes, and I managed to keep myself from getting overcome with emotion and crying as I sang. The morning was just a really joyful time for me. Life changing. I did something that scared me a little, and I made new bonds with people I knew, but didn’t really know. I made new friends.
As I was up there singing, I realized that almost every song I was singing mentioned that God frees us from our fear, and I knew that I could not sing that and hold on to my fear of being up there. I had to smile. And I wasn’t scared. Amazing.
So this is my day. I feel triumphant, empowered, free, light, thankful, blessed, and happy. So very happy.