What is it about having a baby…
Author: Amber
…that makes some people into the world’s leading parenting expert? Or that makes them THINK they are the world’s best expert on parenting?
One of my HUGEST pet peeves is when moms (well, anyone, really, but we’ll go with moms for this rant) treat other moms with rudeness, disrespect, even scorn for the simple reason that they do not share the same parenting philosophy.
Who CARES if one chooses formula over breastfeeding; co-sleeping over using the crib from day one; disposable diapers over cloth; tylenol over motrin; organic over non-organic…scheduled vaccination over delaying or not vaccinating. Why does it matter to one mom if the child of another is facing forward in the car at 12 months old instead of waiting until they are three? Is it really a big deal that some boys have foreskins and others don’t? Really?
I am very passionate about carseat safety, but I do not shove it down the throat of every. single. person. I meet.
Maybe you might say, “But Amber, this mom that I know is a HORRIBLE parent! She doesn’t even take her child’s COAT off before putting him into his carseat! He could FLY RIGHT OUT! We NEED to DO SOMETHING!!!”
No, we do not need to do something. That mother probably has a pamphlet on carseat safety. Her doctor has probably inquired about her carseat situation. She probably read something about carseats on the internet, through a search or on forums. I bet she just might even have the instruction manual that came with the seat. She has chosen to use her carseat in that way and it is NO ONE ELSE’S BUSINESS.
Seriously.
I try desperately to not give advice unless I am flat-out asked for it. Especially parenting advice. People need to parent the way they feel is right; they need to do what works for their family. If they are doing something “wrong” the consequences will show that.
You may think, “Ah well, it’s my friend/family member. She won’t take it the wrong way if I just point out the things that she isn’t doing quite ‘right’.”
WRONG!
When you tell a mom they are doing something the wrong way, they hear, “YOU ARE A BAD PARENT. Your decisions suck. Do it my way because you are too stupid to get it right yourself.”
If you are straight out asked for advice, go get ‘em! They asked for the advice. YOUR advice. Your OPINION. And now it’s their job to take it or leave it. The ball is in their court.
But if they don’t ask, don’t say a thing. Sit and smile and be kind and welcome the differences that keep life interesting. Odds are if you try to force your opinion on others, not only will they still not do things your way, but they will also think you are rude and not want to be around you ever again.
I know that by writing this I am offering un-requested advice, but it is my blog and people don’t need to read it. And besides, after the conversation I recently had with a fellow mom who thought I was doing my children so much harm, I need to read this, myself. So maybe I’m really writing to myself, as a reminder that there are rude people out there and that I’m not the only one who has to deal with them. I’m glad to read it and I think I’ll follow this bit of advice.




